December 7, 2012
No Comments
Imagine 26,600 Frenchmen masturbating into a plastic cup. Okay, into 26,600 cups, not one big cup. (How big would that cup need to be? Grande? Venti? Icky?) The samples were collected at assisted reproduction centers across France between 1989 and 2005 and recent analysis of these samples showed one-third of French spunk has surrendered. The journal Human Reproduction emphasized that most French (se)men were still well within the ?potent? range ? so if one?s in your vicinity, you may wish to take a few paces back ? but that such a significant decline in the ability to produce viable sperm cells warranted further investigation, as this isn?t the first European study to suggest male fertility is increasingly an empty threat.
One imagines Groupe Lucien Barriere CEO Dominique Desseigne is hoping his own sample comes back deader than a doornail. A French court has ordered the casino magnate to submit to a paternity test sought by former justice minister Rachida Dati, who claims Desseigne?s a dada. The court can?t actually compel Desseigne to work himself into a frothy lather in some cold clinic bathroom, but French law regards a refusal to submit a sample as something of an admission of guilt, leaving the shy guy potentially liable to support the child financially. Last month, a report in Le Monde claimed Desseigne?s attorney believed the glamorous Dati was maintaining a stable of eight lovers at the time she conceived, creating the spermatic equivalent of a mixed martial arts tournament using Dati?s vagina in lieu of an octagon.
Perhaps the 68-year-old Desseigne simply doesn?t want to waste one of the few remaining viable erections he might still have in him. Perhaps that?s also why the 10 contestants in China?s inaugural World AIDS Days Masturbation Contest last month were all relatively young. At least, we believe they were young. They wore goofy masks to preserve their anonymity (their dignity having long since exited the building) but there didn?t appear to be a whole lot of those old man spots on their thighs, and the buckets they were using to catch the ejaculate weren?t that big, so we?d have been able to see if their balls were hanging down somewhere between their knees?
Anyway, the contest, sponsored by sex toy maker Aihuirun.com and held in Shenzhen in Guandong province, awarded top prize to the man whose skippy took longest to whip. Third prize went to the guy whose hummingbird hands enabled him to blast his molten man-lava into his bucket before anyone else. A helpful troupe of safe-sex fluffers even paraded around in their smalls to keep the contestants at half-mast. We don?t know who actually won this wankathon, besides AIDS awareness in China, but we do know a musical cue when we hear one?
If you have any further information related to this story that you would like to share with us privately please click here.
Can't get enough CalvinAyre.com? Follow us on Twitter and Facebook, then you'll never miss out on the latest gaming industry news.
Views and opinions expressed are those of the Author and do not necessarily reflect those of CalvinAyre.com
eminem eminem Samantha Steele yankees Tagg Romney Bosses Day Cabin Fever 2
No comments:
Post a Comment